Dick Cheney is a vampire who lives in a cave system in Texas. He feeds off the flesh of anyone unlucky enough to wander to far into his lair. He only emerges at night to feed off of the blood of puppies and kittens. Also, his disease is contagious. Just one bite will transform you into a ravenous Cheney. Symptoms include shooting your friend in the face and being evil. If you or a loved one are experiencing these symptoms, call 1-800-STOP-DICK immediately.